SBTB: Sophomore Year 



Indian bummer
Native American surfer dude Chief Henry meets his untimely end so that Zack can learn a Very Important Lesson. Given that he seemed perfectly healthy, our guess is that the Chief was simply annoyed to death by Jessie and her White Guilt.

Teenagers & Tiaras
The Miss Bayside pageant gives Jessie a chance to hop back up on her "feminist" soapbox, Kelly a chance to sing really badly, Slater a chance to bust out some short-shorts, and Lisa a chance to get sassy. But it's Screech who takes the glory—and the crown—thanks to (of course) a Zack Morris scam.

Pimp my niece
Belding's desperate to land a date for his visiting niece, and Zack's desperate to avoid suspension. Sounds like the perfect occasion for a little principal blackmail! But since the end result is Zack and Screech getting lucky while Slater gets left in the dust, we're willing to let Belding's breach of principal-ing ethics slide this time.

Girls Gone Mild
Zack proves himself a slightly tamer predecessor to Girls Gone Wild purveyor Joe Francis when he uses the school's lame video yearbook concept to pimp the girls of Bayside in a dating tape. Strangely, it's not the girls who get most upset over being sold off to horny reform-school boys while Zack reaps the profits--rather, it's Slater, who I guess doesn't appreciate the intrusion into his pool of eligible men.

Break me up before you go-go
When Zack and Slater fail to see eye to eye with their women about the merits of the ballet and Kelly's right to have a sugar daddy, it's trouble in paradise. The guys kick it solo for a while (which seems to suit Slater just fine), until they realize this means spending some quality time with Richie "No Life" Belding. So Zack and Slater hastily get their girls back, by apologizing and acting like a flaming homosexual, respectively.

Rod Belding: Rogue Substitute and Romancer of Flight Attendants
Belding's brother Rod visits from the SBTB Bermuda Triangle and instructs the students in the fine arts of slacking off and making out. Then he ditches them for a stewardess. Like they didn't see that one coming!

Kelly of Arc, Junior-Prom Martyr
Finally! Everyone (sort of) ends up with the person they're supposed to be with. Kelly and Zack, Jessie and Slater, Lisa and Screech, Random Nerd Alan and some cake... Oh, and Kelly's dad gets laid off, ostensibly due to "world peace." Guess the SBTB writers forgot about that pesky little Gulf War. Not to mention the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. And...oh, never mind. Accuracy is not the reason why we love this show.

Never trust those accents
Zack starts a teen line to give the gang yet another excuse to showcase their range of really bad accents (not to be confused with the teen line Zack starts so he can pick up handicapped girls). However, things go awry when Zack displays his complete and utter incompetence at using call waiting and manages to convince Kelly's kid sister that he's in love with her.

Nothing's too good for Max...except for paying him
The gang learns the important lesson that constantly skipping out on the check at your favorite restaurant could lead it to bankruptcy. OK, actually they don't seem to grasp that lesson. The real lesson here is that all problems can be solved by finding a radio station in the basement of your school.

Adventures in Lip-Synching
It's a veritable battle of the network stars, in which we get not one but two FOX-drama darlings (Tori Spelling and Scott Wolf) as guest stars. I'm about to keel over from the sheer volume of acting talent in this episode.

Baby you can drive my glorified golf cart
Slater buys a new car, and it is, as they say in Grease, a "real pussy wagon." Or, since this is SBTB, it's "a real chaste-kissing-on-the-cheek wagon." But that doesn't stop Slater from making orgasmic noises, much to the dismay of everyone involved. Nor does it stop Zack from flying into another jealous rage, of which the poor driver's ed golf cart is a casualty.

Not-so-risky business
Yeah, it's just like Risky Business, only with an Elvis Statue instead of a Porsche. And Screech instead of Tom Cruise. And instead of hookers selling themselves to high-school boys, we get the gang selling Jessie off to Maxwell Nerdstrom. So in that respect, it's even better than the movie.

You better work, cover girl!
Zack breathes new life into the nerd-infested school store and manages to launch Kelly's career as an international fashion model. Elizabeth Berkley demonstrates how she got the lead in Showgirls.

Jessie's about to lose control and I think I like it!
What we learned from this Very Special Saved by the Bell: Caffeine pills are dangerous. But not as dangerous as geometry. We also learned about the Pythagorean theorem and the finer points of "getting down and going for it." Come on, you know it's your favorite episode, too!

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